I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
