I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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