he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
