Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
only if we run a train.
done.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
