New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
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