Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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