Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Swine flu. Run for my life!
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
He felt like a one man threesome
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
