Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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