guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
