on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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