Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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