I hate your face
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
