I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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