everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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