on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
