New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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