Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
