He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
