she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
