Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
