porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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