so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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