Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
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