Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
