got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
