I wish I could punch you in the face.
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
