life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
