piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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