why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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