Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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