so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
