john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
