I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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