dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
