It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
