im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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