i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
