Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
