Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
