I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
