if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
