Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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