i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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