If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
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