you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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