Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
