you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
