Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
