So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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