I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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