I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
