You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
