they need to just BURY HIM!
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
