Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
