Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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