That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
